Verbal Communication and Relational Intelligence

 Verbal Communication and Relational Intelligence

I have been confronted many times with the phrase “you never,” fill in the blank. This is a common saying in the middle of intense arguments, but mostly untrue. This is a defamatory statement when said in front of an audience of people and directed at one individual. “Those statements have a negative impact on an individual’s reputation” (Bowman 2019). It is unethical to speak false accusations against someone who is not guilty. Jonathan Bowman states that “it is sometimes tempting in the heat of the moment to fictionalize or exaggerate a statement in order to have greater impact on an audience’s attitudes or behaviors” (Bowman 2019). This is true in most cases where the phrase “you never” is involved. Verbal communication and vocabulary used in verbal communication can impact how others perceive us. 

In my language growth, there have been many words added to my vocabulary as I continue to complete my education. I remember learning the meaning of words like awkward, literally, and totally when I was younger, and afterward they were in every sentence. Using unfamiliar words and phrases is one way that our communication can grow. I now use words like internally, innate, or misconception, because these words have been added to my vocabulary in the past few years. This is only within my personal language journey; I have seen phrases that have become commonplace in my generation that would have sounded ridiculous a few decades ago. “Words like bad or sick have changed their meaning from negative to positive, and words that used to be common parlance have become offensive or unusable” (Bowman 2019). Words like rizz, cap, finna, slay, and boujee have become popular among people my age. Not to mention all the swear words you constantly hear online, and sometimes in public. I would rather speak five intelligent words than waste my breath with meaningless ones. Language is being lost and changing for the worse; another reason we need to have exemplary communication with others. Unfamiliar words and swear words can lead to harmful communication between different generations and cultures. “When both the sender and the receiver(s) understand the rules for communication they are more easily able to transmit an intended meaning” (Bowman 2019). Due to this, if the rules for communication are different between generations and cultures, someone can easily become confused and/or offended. 

My sister’s new boyfriend, a coworker, a workout instructor, or a neighbor. Of these four people I would be most likely to interact with my sister's new boyfriend. I see this as logical, given the fact he may one day become family, and it is important to me that my sister is in a relationship with someone who treats her well, and has effective communication skills himself. I would prioritize getting to know my coworker after this. This is someone I will see every day, and if we cannot have a pleasant relationship, we will not have very pleasant lives. I would then make a point to get to know my neighbor. This is someone I may not see every day, but I will see them frequently, and this would be the physically closest person I could call if I were ever in need, and vice versa. My workout instructor would be my last priority relationally because they would not see much of me anyway! It is important to know how to prioritize and categorize relationships in your life. 

We should love everyone equally, but we should treat them differently based upon their relation to us. In his book Relational Intelligence, Dr. Dharius Daniels discusses the four categories of relationships; friends, associates, assignments, and advisors (Daniels 2020). We should not share the information we would with a friend, with an assignment, because the goal is not to burden them but to lift their burdens. We would not befriend an advisor the way we would a close companion, because they are there to support us, it is a different type of relationship. Likewise, an associate relationship may be confusing for some to wrap their heads around, leading to unequal give-and-take dynamics. 

“Stages of closeness ... occur when people use verbal communication to share intimate or personal information about themselves” (Bowman 2019). I have had this happen before. Someone who I placed in the assignment's category wanted to be my friend, but I knew I was not meant to be hers; I was there to help her in the moment. This is not selfish, but wise. Knowing where to place people is knowing how to treat them as best as you are capable. This happened because she felt more emotionally attached to me than I did to her, I was able to pour into her, be a light, and I was someone she could share things with. Eventually she saw me as her best friend, but I was not ready to share everything about me with her because I knew she was not someone I should disclose that information with. “Conversation and self-disclosure can help strengthen or deepen relationships” (Bowman 2019). This is extremely important to recognize, because some people are not meant to be as close to you as others. A friendship is a relationship where both people can give and take, an assignment relationship is one where one person gives, and the other person takes. That is completely okay and natural, but we cannot confuse the two or it leads to relational fog. 

 

 

Works Cited 

Bowman, Jonathan M. Interpersonal Communication: Interconnections Foundations and Contexts. MindTap - Cengage Learning, 2019. https://ng.cengage.com/static/nb/ui/evo/index.html?deploymentId=5799847154192693996956595&eISBN=9781337554121&id=1986405705&snapshotId=3798006.  

Daniels, Dharius. Relational Intelligence. Zondervan, 2020.